


Savior Complex

by Tv_Saved_The_Teenage_Girl



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Child Death, Dyslexia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, I Don't Even Know, Idiots in Love, Mild Hurt/Comfort, one bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24801037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tv_Saved_The_Teenage_Girl/pseuds/Tv_Saved_The_Teenage_Girl
Summary: Being fairly new to BAU and working alongside a genius like Spencer Reid had been a lot to handle, not to mention the lack of sleep you were experiencing. When a stressful case has the team leaving before dawn, will your fear of inadequacy and secret feelings for a certain someone be all too much? Or will you finally know your worth?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Comments: 16
Kudos: 215





	1. you’re not a burden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am only on season six but I've been itching to write so here I am. This is purely for my own entertainment and needs. 
> 
> ~ There will eventually be talk of child abduction and possibly the mention of a past case where a kid didn't make it, so please be aware ~

“You’re staring again,” Garcia whispered behind you, causing you to jump. It had been the third time that month she’d caught you, you swore you were just lost in thought, but she never bought it for a second. “Yeah, sure, lost in thought about a particular boy genius maybe.” She nudged your shoulder as she leaned against your desk. Groaning, you closed your eyes, knowing Garcia didn’t plan on leaving you alone this time.

You loved her, you really did. She was quick to take you under her wing when you first joined the BAU, and for that, you were forever grateful. If there was one thing you found nerve-racking, it was navigating new territory. But within the last few months, she began to notice your lingering glances.

It would be a lie to claim you hadn’t been looking forward to working with Spencer, _‘the boy genius’_ as Garcia put it. But you’d been looking forward to meeting _the whole_ team, worried in fact. You had heard how tight-nit they were and fitting in hadn’t always been your strong suit. However, once Garcia swooped in, everything else seemed to fall into place and the team quickly made room for you. The only problem was that maybe you’d gotten along a little too well with them, mainly a particular someone who’d talk your ears off if he could. And if Garcia was able to see it, that meant _everyone_ could probably see it.

“Relax,” She sighed, noticing your shoulders tense. “You’re not being obvious about it, I don’t think anyone’s noticed…yet.”

“Yet?” Your wide eyes snapped towards her.

“Ah, so you admit it.” A smile began to creep at the corners of her mouth, she could be so sneaky some times. If it wasn’t near 12am, you would have tried to push her out, afraid of anyone overhearing your conversation, the first thing you learned while working here was that gossip had a tendency to spread like wildfire. But the bullpen was near empty save the two of you and Reid across the room, filling up his third cup of coffee, seemingly in another world. You always wondered where his mind went when he was left to his own devices.

“Garcia, it’s late and I’ve spent hours trying to finish up this paperwork, that plus my lack of sleep, it’s no wonder you’ve found me gazing. I’ve probably learned to sleep with my eyes open and just haven’t realized it yet.” You said with a laugh in an attempt to humor her. Narrowing her eyes, Garcia bit the side of her mouth and in that moment, you knew you messed up.

“You know, if you’re so tired, you probably shouldn’t be driving home.” Before you could rebuttal, she was sealing your fate. “Hey, Spencer.” She called across the room, drawing him out of his mind and over to you. “Y/n is practically falling asleep at her desk, I told her she should really go home and get some sleep, but she’s too exhausted to drive and I can’t take her.” She barely finished her sentence when Spencer opened his mouth.

“Oh, well I can take her home, I was just about to leave anyway.” His gaze shifted to you now, adding. “That is if it’s alright with you.”

“I-I don’t want to burden you, I’m sure I can drive.”

“You’re not a burden,” Spencer stated as if it was obvious, flashing you a quick smile before he began to down what little coffee he had left. “Besides, your apartment is on my way and it’s dangerous to drive while drowsy.” He pointed out, moving to pack up his things.

“Thanks,” Returning his smile, you turned back to your desk to clean up. “You smart son of a bitch.” You muttered under your breath towards Garcia.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you.” She whispered, grinning before heading back to her office.

“Are you ready?” Reid asked, walking back towards you with his satchel and jacket.

“As I’ll ever be,” You sighed, putting away one last file before grabbing your belongings.

The two of you walked in silence for a moment, something that was slightly unusual, since he knew he could talk to you without being told to be quiet, but it wasn’t altogether uncomfortable. And It _was_ rather late. But you missed his rambling, it was one of the first things that made you begin to fall for him. It was amazing how many tangents he could get into when he went on uninterrupted, mainly you just found what he had to say fascinating. The two of you had a lot of similar interests, you were quick to realize. However, you were most intrigued by his knowledge of statistics or other various random facts he had stored in his ever-growing mind. On top of this, the thing you loved most about his rambling, is how it never felt like he was talking down to you or trying to explain, just simply sharing information he felt you might enjoy. You should have known the silence wouldn’t last, the moment the two of you reached the car, he began to talk.

“Did you know that it’s estimated that there are up to 6,000 fatal crashes each year due to sleep-deprived drivers?” Spencer asked as he began making his way down the nearly deserted streets. “There was even a study done that estimated 1 in 25 adult drivers admitted to falling asleep at the wheel in the previous 30 days. And it’s actually a major problem in the United States.”

“I had no idea,” You answered honestly, though you knew it wasn’t safe to drive while tired, you had never realized it was that big of an issue.

“Yeah, it’s really interesting actually, driving while sleep deprived was even proven to be just as bad as drunk driving.” The soft sound of the air conditioner began to blend in with the ticking of his blinker and his gentle voice, causing you to yawn, drawing one out of him as well. He paused before changing the subject. “You’d tell me if you were having nightmares again, right?” Spencer asked, glancing at you before focusing back to the road.

It was one of the first things that the two of you bonded over, it hadn’t taken long after joining the BAU for the horrific things you saw on the daily to seep into your dreams. You guessed Spencer had recognized the lack of sleep on your face, the dark circles getting darker with every case like bags you couldn’t put down, but desperately tried to conceal.

He’d told you about his nightmares, so you shared your own. Pretty soon the two of you grew into the habit of texting the other when it got bad, then texting when you actually had a nice dream, then texting just to say hi. Which then turned into the two of you hanging out on your free weekends. It made sense that you’d become friends, being the two youngest on the team. Though some days, your mind couldn’t help but wonder if he was just being polite.

“Yes, I would tell you.” You nodded your head.

“Promise?”

“Pinky,” Sticking your pinky out for him to link with his own, he complied, a soft smile appearing on his face. You both lingered for a moment before you finally pulled back, the contact suddenly becoming too much.

“I guess you’ll be needing a ride to work since you left your car,” He pointed out. “I’ll pick you up at seven?” Spencer asked as he made one final turn before reaching your apartment.

“I’d really appreciate that.” You said in earnest as you began digging for your keys, thankful to be home, but sad to be going. Another yawn escaped him. “Are you sure _you’re_ good to drive?” A simple question, but the implications felt too heavy on your tongue as you rested your hand on the door handle. _Are you really about to invite him inside? To spend the night?_

“Don’t worry about me,” He waved you off with a small smile in an attempt to reassure you. “I’m only a couple of minutes from my place.” With that, you opened the door, slipping out before turning around, bending over to see him.

“Well, thanks for driving me home Spence, I appreciate it.”

“No problem, let me know when you’ve made it into your apartment.”

“Same goes for you.” You replied, trying not to read into it, he was just a concerned friend,…a concerned colleague. “Goodnight, Dr. Reid.” _He was definitely going to read into you calling him that. Good going._

“Goodnight, y/n.” He returned as you closed the car door and began walking towards your apartment.

Making your way through the building, you unlocked your door and swiftly stepped inside, making sure to lock It back up the second you closed it, checking your home for any signs of an intruder before letting your guard down with a sigh. Sending a text to Spencer, you noticed a notification from Penelope.

**_How are things going? - Penelope Garcia_ **

Shaking your head, a faint blush began to creep its way across your face.

**_I’m home safe…and alone. Goodnight, Penelope. - y/n_ **

You sent the text before placing your phone down on your bed as you began changing, your body begging to lay down and drift off into oblivion. The screen lit up with two texts, drawing your attention.

**_Good, so am I. See you in a few hours. - Spencer Reid_ **

And

**_I guess we’ll just have to work on that. Sweet dreams, y/n ;) - Penelope Garcia_ **

With a slight groan, you fell face-first into bed, sighing at the way it molded around you. You were hopeful that by next week, Garcia will have moved onto something more enticing, but the skeptic in you knew it would take something big to pull her focus away from you. Little did you know that _that something_ was just around the corner.


	2. not to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually, I have a lot to say in the notes or at least something, but here we are. I know not every detail is going to be on point and that's just something I'm going to have to accept

He’d gotten her again, you were too late, too _fucking_ late. You could hear the sound of him escaping in the distance and the thud of feet above your head. She was in the basement this time, and all you could do was fall to your knees and hold her in some strange attempt to soothe her already lifeless body. _Maybe you were just trying to soothe yourself._

“Y/n,” A voice called out, making its way down the stairs. “Y/n.” They reached out, grabbing your shoulder. It was Spencer. 

“It’s too late, I was too late.” You repeated, shaking your head as you turned to face him, your voice cracking. “I was too late.”

“It’s ok, you’re ok,” His other hand rose to wipe your cheek, was it blood or tears, you didn’t know as the room began to blur, you clung onto him. 

“It’s not ok.” You cried out, you were _so_ tired.

“It is, it’s ok y/n. You need to wake up.” 

“Wake up?” 

“Wake up!” He shook you and suddenly you sprung up in a cold sweat as Spencer tried to calm you down. Home, you were home, in your room, in your bed...with Spencer? 

“Wha-What are you doing here?” _Had you overslept?_ The sun wasn’t even filtering in through your window yet. “What time is it?” 

“It’s almost 3:30, I tried calling you but you weren’t answering,” Spencer explained, sitting next to you on the bed. “Hotch called, we have a case.”

“What?! Now?” You groaned, trying to bury yourself back under the covers. 

“Yes, and from the tone of his voice, it sounds pretty serious. We’re supposed to be on the plane by 4:45 the latest.” Reaching for your phone you saw six missed calls from Hotch and ten missed calls from Reid. 

“Alright,” You said with a sigh, pointedly looking at him in a silent attempt to ask him to leave the room so you could get dressed. He just scooted closer, wiping your face like he had done in your dream. Tears, they were definitely tears this time. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The proximity, mixed with the warmth seeping from his hand and the concern filling his eyes was all too much, your heart began to hammer against your chest. This wasn't the time. 

“Spence, I’m fine. It was just a regular nightmare.” You tried brushing him off, but his hand fell to your shoulder. 

“Don’t lie, please, not to me.” He had a way of tearing down your walls that was entirely unfair.

“It started up again...a few days ago,” You admitted, eyes falling to your lap where you began to pick at your fingers. “I didn’t tell you cause I thought I could get a hold of it.” Suddenly his hand moved to cover your own, drawing your attention back up to him. 

“I’ll make you some tea,” Spencer offered, his way of letting you know he wasn’t upset with you. 

“I’d love that.” Your way of saying thank you.

~

Spencer had never seen you this early in the morning, well, not in your home, out of the confines of an office. And you were oblivious to his gaze following you as you made your way around the apartment, sluggish and irritated, not at him, but at the world for waking you up, among other things. He had also never seen you wake up from a nightmare, the image of you sobbing in your sleep kept flashing in his mind as he poured your tea in a travel mug. 

“So you don’t know anything about the case yet?” Stepping out of your room with your suitcase in hand, you walked over towards him. 

“No, nothing,” Spencer affirmed, handing you the mug before grabbing your bag out of your hand.

“You don’t-” You began to say before he cut you off.

“We better leave now to make it on time.” He stated, making his way towards the front door. “Do you have everything?”

“Yeah,” Nodding, you followed him, turning out the lights before you locked up. 

~

It took you no time to finish your tea, you always did love the way he made it. You were about to wonder if he remembered you telling him that the first time he made you a cup, but laughed at the notion of him ever forgetting.

“What’s so funny?” He asked as you both began walking on the platform towards the plane, wearing a smile of his own.

“Oh nothing, just thinking. Thanks for the tea by the way,” Nudging his shoulder, you admitted. “It helped.” 

As you both got on the plane, you couldn’t help but notice everyone was already there, and their eyes seemed to suspiciously dart back and forth between the two of you arriving together. 

“Sorry for missing your calls,” You said hurriedly to Hotch as you took a seat on the couch, Reid taking the spot next to you. “I guess I tend to be a heavy sleeper this early in the morning.” 

“You’re here on time and that’s what matters,” Hotch replied before addressing the team. “We’re headed to Oregon and while I’m sure everyone is eager to know why they were woken up so early, running on lack of sleep won’t do us any good.” He stated. “So I suggest we all try to rest as much as we can for the first half of the flight before discussing the case.” 

The team seemed to be relieved at the chance to catch a few more hours before tackling whatever lied on the other side of the country, but a sudden fear crept up your back. _What if you drifted off and had another nightmare? That would be so embarrassing._ As if Spencer could read your mind, you felt his hand rest on your shoulder. 

“Do you want to lay down?” He asked, the low tone of his voice almost drowned out by the sound of the plane. “I can watch over you,” Spencer added as he began folding up his sweater, noticing your apprehension. “If you don’t try to sleep, I’m just going to start pestering you with questions. I know you’ve hardly been sleeping, I can see it plain as day, so if you think-”

“Alright, alright,” You said to make him stop talking, something you never thought you’d do. A sense of victory flashed over his features as he placed his sweater in his lap for you to lay your head down. Usually, the act would seem weird and out of place, but the plane was dark and most everyone had already drifted off, plus it’s not like you were about to pass up the opportunity. 

Maybe you did have a crush on Spencer, so what? Was that a crime? It was just that, a silly little crush that you were sure you could squash given enough time. But suddenly his fingers were in your hair, gently stroking your scalp, and you were met with the abrupt fear that he wasn’t going to be so easy to shake. 

No, it _would_ be easy to shake, because he was just trying to be a good friend, right? That’s all this was, a concerned friend. There was just no way Spencer Reid would ever take an interest in you like that. He was a genius, and what were you? No, he doesn’t like you the way you like him. But that’s ok, you’ve been here plenty of times, and you can definitely shake this. 

What you didn’t notice as you began to finally drift off, was Spencer gazing down at you as his fingers disappeared into your hair. Nor did you notice JJ taking a picture of the two of you to promptly send to Garcia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I make the hotel short on rooms??? Dare I say...only one bed?


	3. it’s all about the brains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - This case involves children and the death of childre so if you can't handle that this is your warning. Nothing extremely graphic, if you can stomach the show then this should be nothing 
> 
> Also, the reader has dyslexia and ADD cause I have it and am desperate for love and attention, hence why I'm writing this

The first time Hotch barked orders at you, it went right over your head. Your mind was too focused on needing to focus on his words that his instructions went in one ear and out the other. Luckily for you, you were assigned to assist Spencer, who didn’t even bat an eye when you asked him to recap what Hotch had said. Instead, he recited him verbatim for you. At the time you were too thankful to think anything of it. It wasn’t until a few cases later you realized why he’d been so understanding. 

_“You know, it’s really interesting,” Spencer had said taking a seat across from you in the back of the plane, forcing you to look up from your book. “You tend to read faster when you move your lips along with what you're reading.” He pointed out, causing your ears to burn with embarrassment._

_“What? You know how long it takes me to read?” You swallowed thickly as the facade that no one ever paid attention to you came crumbling down._

_“I know how long it takes everyone to read,” Spencer gestured to the team, all of whom were in their own worlds. It had been a long case. Which is why you were trying to escape through reading. “Did you know that people use three areas on the left side of the brain to process language, but people with dyslexia fascinatingly only utilize the right side of the brain.” Fuck, he must have read your file, or done a background check on you or something. You hadn’t told anyone here. Or maybe he could just tell._

_“I didn’t know that,”_

Clearly he had taken pity on you, unsurprised when you had difficulty processing Hotch’s orders. You had exhibited classic signs of someone with Dyslexia and it took Spencer practically no time to notice. It was already hard enough knowing he was a genius, now he knew this. Not to mention he must know about your ADD as well since it commonly goes hand in hand. He must have picked up on your lack of interest in the topic, changing the subject rather quickly. But it was too late, it was out there now, and though you were always glad to be paired with Reid, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was just so he could pick up your slack. 

Maybe you were too hard on yourself, you were here, weren't you? Just as qualified for the job as everyone else, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, right? That was easier to believe before South Carolina before you messed up. It wasn’t your fault, the team was adamant about that, but they didn’t have to see the life drain from her eyes. If only you’d made the connection sooner, if only you weren’t so fucking slow, if you just worked harder, you could have seen it, you could have saved her.

You could have.

~

Spencer had been right, the case looked pretty bad, but cases involving kids always were. Jessica Lynch and Matthew Ramos, both of whom were only twelve years old, were found dead four days apart. You physically flinched when you went over the file, still groggy from waking up for the second time that day, you should have known the contents of the file would be far more horrific than anything your mind could’ve come up with. 

You could feel Spencer’s eyes on you for a moment upon hearing the victims ages. Ever since South Carolina, kids have been a sore spot for you, but you weren’t special, it was a sore spot for everyone on the team. No one liked to open a file and see a young face looking back at them, still full of innocence and hope for the future, paired with the gruesome photos taken at their crime scenes. No one.

Everyone began rattling off the facts, connecting them to possible motives and suspects, trying to make sense of a senseless crime. _Who could take a life that had barely begun?_

“It doesn’t seem like this guy has a type,” Morgan said, tossing the file on the table. “Different gender, race, and backgrounds.” 

“The only thing that’s similar is their age,” Spencer commented, his eyes scanning over the photos. 

“Well our unsub must be comfortable around a scalpel to be able to do that,” Emily noted, causing you to look down at the photos on Spencer’s lap. She was right, causing you to shiver. 

“But why take their brains?” You finally joined into the conversation, a question you didn’t necessarily want to be answered, but something about it was nagging you. “I mean, it’s the only part of them the unsub disturbed, and this doesn’t seem to be sexually motivated…” Trailing off, your mind was desperate to think of an explanation. 

“It is possible our unsub worked in the medical field, a surgeon of some kind,” Hotch said. 

“Maybe they recently had a surgery gone wrong, and this is their attempt to relive it, to fix their mistake,” Rossi added. 

“But what made them snap?” JJ posed. “There must be a stressor, people don’t just go around doing something like this.” 

“I’ll have Garcia look into people in the medical field who have recently been fired or had victims in the same age range die on their table,” Hotch stated, pulling his phone out. “Morgan and Rossi, I need you to go talk to the Lynchs. Emily and I will talk to the Ramos family. JJ, I need you to work on alerting families with children. Reid and y/n, I need you two to work on finding more connections between our victims. There must be something we’re missing.” 

“The last victim was found yesterday morning, and both kids were abducted four days before being found,” Spencer noted, causing you to finish his thought. 

“So they probably already have another victim.” 

“Which gives us about three days,” Emily pointed out, adding to the feeling of dread in your stomach. Kids were never easy. 

~ 

The two of you had been staring at the board for god knows how long, it was riddled with pictures and marks. A giant map of the area taking up most of the room, decorated with pins, Reid was meticulous and for that you were grateful. Most of the time it helped to have everything laid out, but this case was something else. It was like you were grasping at straws.

It didn’t help that Spencer had decided to wear a vest today and it was going to be the death of you. The way it hugged around his body was devious, distracting you every time he got up to change something on the board. And when he wasn’t at the board, you’d find yourself watching his facial expressions, mesmerized. You could hear Garcia’s voice in the back of your mind, snapping you back to the case at hand. _How could you possibly be gawking right now?_

“What do you think it is?” His voice surprised you, pulling your attention from the same page you’d been staring at for ten minutes. “They went to different schools, had different hobbies, interests, social lives…” Spencer trailed off, rubbing his eye. “And you’re right, it’s not sexual.” Sighing, he stood up again, walking over to the board. “There are no signs of torcher, and there is nothing outright sexual about taking their brains, I don’t think this was for pleasure. So there must be a connection we’re missing.” 

He was frustrated, you both were, it had never been this hard to figure out the correlation between victims, usually, you’d have figured it out and moved on by now. But it didn’t seem like that was the case this time. With a groan, you stood, stretching as you made your way over to him. 

“The connection we’re missing is here,” You stated, pointing to the picture on the board. “It’s all about the brains.” 

“He’s trying to recreate an operation?” Spencer questioned. 

“Or he’s dissecting them?” You felt your shoulder brush against him, causing you to blush. _What a stupid idea._ “I mean,” Swallowing, you tried to justify your words. “If it was just about an operation gone wrong, why would he keep them for four days before killing them?”

“Exactly!” Suddenly he turned to you. “That’s what’s been bothering me, it makes no sense.”

“You think it’s a he?” You asked as you tried to ignore his eyes on you.

“It’s the only thing I’ve felt sure of.”

“He’s definitely medical of some kind,”

“A neurologist.” Spencer and you said it at the same time, just as Emily and Hotch walked into the room. 

“Both kids were neurologists?” Emily asked sarcastically, causing Spencer to ramble about what the two of you had been talking about.

“But when it comes to the victims,” You interjected. “We’re stumped.”

“They couldn’t be farther apart.” Spencer agreed. “But if our unsub is a neurologist maybe that’s how he knew the kids.”

“I had Garcia looking into the victim's medical records,” Hotch said, taking a seat. “None of them had seen a neurologist, but that doesn’t rule it out for the unsub.” He agreed with your assessment, but it put you back to square one with the victims.

~

The whole day had been an unsuccessful blur of dead-end leads and frustrated glances at the clock. Every minute it took you to find this guy was another minute of torture for some innocent victim. The last thing you were concerned about was going to sleep, but Hotch was insistent that the team needed to check into the hotel and get some shut-eye. But if you had known the hotel was strapped for rooms, you would have been quicker to check-in. However, it seemed as though fate had decided to play a cruel joke on you.

“The rooms were first come first serve,” Spencer explained in the hotel lobby. “We’re the last two and there’s only one room left.” Closing your eyes, you shook your head.

“Those sons of bitches,” Picking up your bag, you began to make your way to the elevators, stopping when you noticed Spencer wasn’t following you. “Are you coming?” You asked, shaking him out of whatever state he was in. _He probably wished he was in this situation with someone else, like JJ…or Morgan._

When you finally got to the room, you couldn’t help but laugh, it was honestly comical at this point. _One bed._ A part of you suspected Garcia had something to do with it, it was too much. Spencer, on the other hand, didn’t look too amused. You noticed his Adam’s apple bob as he looked around the room, not even a couch. He liked his space and so did you, this situation wasn’t going to make this case any easier.

“You can use the bathroom first.” You spoke, breaking the silence as you moved to claim one side of the room.

“Are you sure?” He asked, already digging through his bag.

“Positive,” With the sound of the bathroom door closing, you let out a sigh. 

**_Did you have anything to do with this? - Y/n_ **

Digging through your own bag, you pulled out what you’d need to take to the bathroom. If you had known you were sharing a room with Spencer you’d have packed differently. An old oversized t-shirt and short shorts weren’t exactly the best for this situation, but you guessed even if you did know, you still wouldn’t have known what to pack. Feeling your phone buzz, you checked it.

**_Nothing you can prove <3 - Penelope Garcia_ **

She was incorrigible.

Stepping out of the bathroom, you guessed Spencer wasn’t anticipating company either as he stood there adorned in a pair of boxers and a red face. Without a word, the two of you danced around each other as you moved to use the bathroom. And when you came back out, you found Spencer trying to make a bed on the floor.

“What are you doing?” You asked, putting your stuff away in your bag before making your way over to him. He just looked up at you, unsure of how to answer something so obvious. “Come on, Spence. We’re both grown adults and this case is too shitty for you to be sleeping on the floor.” Moving to what you considered to be your side of the bed, you pushed the covers back. “Unless you’re afraid of catching cooties,” You teased, knowing it would get a reaction out of him.

“That’s silly,” Spencer responded, standing up.

“You’re silly,” You retorted as you climbed into bed, turning to lay on your side, facing away from him. If he wanted to sleep on the floor, that was up to him, you didn’t want to force him. But a minute later, you felt the bed dip as he slid under the covers, moving the pillows around to get comfortable before turning out the light. The silence only lasted twenty minutes.

“Sleep,” Spencer said, his voice was heavy and at first you’d thought he was sleep-talking until he spoke again. “Why aren’t you asleep yet?” He elaborated, stirring next to you. “And don’t pretend like you are, I can tell by your breathing.” Damn him.

“I don’t know, Spencer, just go to sleep.” You sighed.

“Can’t,” Suddenly you could feel his breath on the back of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. “Not till you do.”

“I’m too wired,”

“What do you need?”

“I don’t know,” You admitted, a tired tear falling from your eye. The feeling of exhaustion was coursing through your body, but for some reason, you couldn’t close your eyes. Before you had the chance to tell him to not worry about it, his arm snaked its way around your waist, pulling you against his chest. His face rested between your shoulder blades as his body curved around yours, enveloping you. The sudden feeling of warmth paired with the weight of his arm coaxing your eyes to finally close. “Thanks,” A sigh escaped you as you began to drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don't know, don't come for me, it's 2 am


	4. turquoise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything to say

It was the feeling of him shifting around you that woke you up. Slow and welcoming at first, it had been a long time since you’d felt this content, only to be ruined by reality. Your eyes shot open as you tried to make out the time, blinking away the sleep clouding your vision. Spencer pulled you closer to him in protest of your movement. Making it harder to ignore the warmth that flooded your chest. 

Five minutes, that’s how long you allowed yourself to stay in his arms, relaxing against him, hearing a satisfied sigh escape him as you did so. Your mind was desperate to remember exactly how it felt, the rise and fall of his chest, the warmth of his skin, and the overwhelming feeling of being safe. It was like he was thawing out years of frozen anxiety that had found a home resting on your shoulders.

In the end, your guilt won over your desire to stay. Guilt for enjoying his touch when he was fast asleep, the image of him pulling away the minute he realized who exactly he was holding stung your heart. Guilt that while you were safe in bed, some poor child was cold and afraid. 

Carefully, you slipped out of his hold, grabbing your bag as you made your way into the bathroom to take a cold, _cold_ shower. Completely oblivious to Spencer, fully awake as he watched you walk away. 

~ 

If it wasn’t for Spencer practically forcing you to eat, you would have skipped breakfast altogether. Garcia had sent you a list of missing children, which the team had narrowed down to three possible victims, and you were hell-bent on figuring out this case. You couldn’t let another child down.

"Georgia Ramirez, thirteen years old,” Spencer read the missing report to you as you drove to talk to the family in hopes of finding some kind of connection. “She was on her way home from school but never made it.” His words dropped to the pit of your stomach as you gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. He watched as you began to worry your bottom lip, your right hand reaching back to scratch your neck and tug at your shirt. “When they found the other two victims it was estimated that they had only been dead for a few hours. It’s peculiar for a case involving children, but you already know that.” It was clear he was just trying to make you feel better. “This whole thing is peculiar,”

“It is,” You agreed, letting your grip on the wheel loosen. Opening your mouth to say something, you closed it again, unsure of what to say but not wanting to let the silence settle. Neither one of you had mentioned sharing the bed, and you weren’t sure if you were grateful for it or not.

“You slept pretty soundly last night,” Spencer stated, drawing your focus from the road for a moment.

“Oh God, did I snore?!” A burning sensation crept across your face as you tugged at your shirt again.

“Yeah, like a lawnmower- no,” He laughed, his humor drawing out a giggle of your own. “No, you just,” Spencer trailed off a bit as you pulled up to the house. “You hardly moved in my arms, it seems like you slept well.” He finally said and you desperately wished you were still driving so you had anywhere to look but in his eyes.

“I did sleep well,” Was all you could say, not wanting to confess anything parked in front of a grieving family's house. It wasn’t the time. “Thanks.” You mirrored what you’d whispered last night before stepping out of the car, desperate for fresh air.

~

It was never easy talking to a family, either they were angry and decided to take it out on you and your partner, or they had lost the capacity to feel anything but sorrow. On a good day, they’d be a mix of both, but it was never easy to see people in so much pain. Usually, you’d let your partner do most of the talking, but when it was Reid, you always found yourself taking the lead as he began looking around. This family was no different, they were glad someone had finally taken an interest in their missing daughter but were angry it had taken this long, rightfully so.

“Can we see her room,” Spencer asked a little too abruptly, causing the mother to give him a weird look.

“Seeing her room will help us figure out if she’s connected to this case.” You tried to explain, it took a moment but she eventually led you to Georgia’s room, and you were thankful when she left you two to do whatever it was you needed. Her room was so full of life, the clear transition between being a kid and a teenager was taking hold, as the toys seemed to be shoved in the corner in favor of records and band posters.

“Jessica was into chess,” Spencer spoke as his eyes scanned the room. “Matthew was into Nascar, and it seems like Georgia’s into music. They’re all so different,” His use of past tense reminded you of the crime scene photos and how the parents must have felt seeing…well, it was too much. So you distracted yourself.

“She has good taste,” Moving to look through her records you found ‘A Night at the Opera’ and‘Pieces Of Eight’. “Queen and Styx, an old soul.” You smiled down at the albums.

“Both victims struggled with School, and it seems Georgia does too.” He stated, causing you to look at him standing over her desk. “It looks like she was trying to hide these,” Spencer noted as you joined him, looking at the graded test in his hands.

“I used to do that,” You grinned up at him before looking back at the paper.

“You?” Spencer questioned, slightly shocked. “But I’ve seen your GPA, why would you need-”

“That was my college GPA, I was horrible in school when I was a kid,” You admitted, flipping through her homework. “I mean really stu-” Only then did you realize that the paper was blue. No, turquoise.

“What is it?” Spencer asked, noticing your face drop.

“The color its- I had to use paper like this when I was in school, for my dyslexia.” Handing the paper back to Spencer, you quickly pulled out your phone.

“Garcia at your service,” Penelope’s peppy voice flowed through your phone on speaker.

“Hey, baby girl. Can you check and see if our victims had been tested at any point in time by a licensed educational psychologist?” You asked, holding your breath.

“Anything for you, my love. Un momento.” She replied. You could hear the sound of her fingers flying over the keyboard at a speed you’d only heard of in movies. “Bingo, they were both diagnosed with Dyslexia, Matthew when he was six and Jessica when she was eight.”

“Thanks, Pen.” You sighed, hanging up after she said goodbye. “That’s it, that’s the connection.”

~

To say it was a relief to find the connection was an understatement, but with that came a plethora of even more questions. It was back to staring at the cluttered board in the police station, flooded with yellow overhead lights, at least it was tucked away from the regular bustle of the place.

This time it was your turn to pace back and forth from the board to sit at the table, wracking your brain for the answers. You’d thought once you’d found the connection, the unsub would follow suit, but he was proving to be a little harder to track down. The team had just finished giving their profile before dispersing, leaving you with Spencer, again. It would be a lie to say you didn’t immensely enjoy working with him, but it all felt a little to…planned.

“It’s actually really fascinating how the colored paper helps those with reading disabilities process words,” Spencer began ranting for the first time that day, at least you could count on him for that. “The crazy thing is how widely accepted it is when it hasn’t truly been proven to work. It’s actually controversial in the community whether or not to use it. Did it work for you?”

“No, not really,” You answered truthfully, transfixed by something on the board.

“I’m also surprised that you chose turquoise.”

“It wasn’t so much a choice,” The reply was halfhearted. “We should have found him by now, I mean…what are we missing?” You groaned, messing with your shirt for the hundredth time that day.

“Here,” Spencer grabbed a pair of scissors that had been discarded on a nearby table before walking over to you. “Let me just,” He said, gently grabbing your shoulders to face you away from him, his fingers grazed your neck as he pulled the back of your top down slightly to reveal the protruding tag, cutting it off. “Is that better?” His breath ghosted over your neck like it had less than twenty-four hours ago. _Did he realize the effect he had on you?_

“Y-yeah, Much b-better.” You nodded your head keeping your eyes to the ground as your hand rose to cover the back of your neck. But before you could say anything else, his phone rang. Only when you felt his eyes leave you to answer the call, did you dare look up at him.

His brows were furrowed as he listened to whoever was on the other line, his eyes drifting around the room as if they were searching for the voice's owner. Then suddenly they snapped towards you as his features lit up. “They got him,”


	5. the right time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I'm no cop, nor an FBI agent, I don't know how this shit works and I'm just doing my best. That being said, here is the last chapter!

You were going over the information Garcia had sent the team when they brought in the unsub. It was like you could feel the hair at the back of your neck stand up, causing you to shift your gaze and lock eyes with him. A sharp chill ran down your spine. John Richards, a 46-year-old neurologist like the team had expected. What no one could figure out was why exactly he had done it, or more pressingly, where Georgia Ramirez was.

“John Richards was diagnosed with dyslexia when he was a kid,” You jumped when Spencer spoke behind you, unaware he had approached you. He must not have wanted to wait for you to finish reading Richards’ file.

“His father thought beating him would solve the problem,” Emily huffed as she joined in the conversation, the three of you watched as Morgan walked into the interrogation room with the unsub.

“He was sent to the hospital on multiple occasions,” Reid continued “But Richards eventually went on to be a somewhat successful neurologist.” He sounded surprised and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because Richards had overcome an abusive household or his disorder. “However, he was involved in a malpractice lawsuit about a year ago and had his medical license revoked in the process.”

“A year ago?” You thought out loud.

“His father died two weeks ago,” Emily added, causing you to nod. _That’ll do it._

“What was the lawsuit over?” The question left you just as Hotch stepped out of the room adjacent to the interrogation room, motioning for the three of you to join him.

“Garcia’s still trying to work that out,” She sighed as you began to make your way over to Hotch.

The two-way mirror always gave you an uneasy feeling, but maybe it was because there was almost never anyone decent on the other side of it, tonight was no exception. You could see Morgan hunched over the table, clearly fed up with this guy. Richards, on the other hand, looked like he was beyond bored. Getting information out of him was going to be like pulling teeth.

“Has Morgan gotten anything yet?” Emily asked as she leaned against the back wall, her arms crossed. The way her eyes never left the unsub told you he made her feel uneasy too. Hotch shook his head.

“No, he said he’d only talk to y/n.” Hearing your name caused your heart to start racing.

“Me?” Before Hotch could respond to you, Morgan barged into the room.

“This guy is getting on my last nerve,” When his gaze found you, he gave you a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, but he won’t talk unless it’s you.” Trying to un-furrow your eyebrows, you took a deep breath. 

“The first time a guy has shown any outward interest in me and it has to be this creep?” You tried to joke, if only to ease your own nerves, not waisting another second as you quickly left the room. It was getting too crowded in there anyways. Pausing outside the interrogation room, you took another deep breath as you tried to plaster on a neutral face before stepping inside. 

~

Seeing him across the room was bad, but sitting across the table from him was downright disturbing. It wasn’t that he was physically repulsive, he was actually a fairly attractive man, but there was something in his eyes, the way they looked into you, the way he made your skin crawl. Your body was desperately telling you to run and get as far away from him as possible.

“Where is Georgia Ramirez?” You asked for the fifth time, understanding how Morgan lost his patience so fast. Richards just smiled. “I thought you wanted to talk to me? Yet, you haven’t said a word since I’ve walked in here. We’ve caught you red-handed, Richards. Come on, you know how this works,” You were getting tired of talking to yourself. “You’re going to be convicted no matter what, but if you tell us where Georgia Ramirez is, then maybe I’ll be able to lessen your sentence.”

“You want me to talk?” He finally spoke, shrugging as he leaned forward. “Ok, have you figured it out yet?”

“If I knew where Georgia-”

“No! No, not her!” He barked. “Have you figured out why I did it?” Narrowing your gaze, you opened and closed your mouth unsure of how to respond, something told you lying to him would get you nowhere, he was too smart for it.

“Not yet,” You admitted, noticing a flash of disappointment in his eyes.

“And here I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, this is your job isn’t it?”

“Let me guess,” He had struck a nerve, causing you to try a different route. “It has something to do with the way daddy made you feel inadequate, doesn’t it?” You could tell he was quickly becoming agitated, but you didn’t care. “This isn’t about the kids, this is about you and your own insecurities.”

“What would you know about that?!” He spat back, which didn’t scare you nearly as much as when his posture quickly changed, a look of recognition in his eyes. “Oh, wait, you know all too well about how that feels, don’t you?” Though your features remained neutral, a sickening feeling began to creep up your throat.

“What?” The word slipped from you before you had a chance to stop it.

“I should have seen it sooner, the way your eyes kept scanning over the paper you were reading when they brought me in. I miss spoke, you aren’t the smart one.” He stated, leaning back in his chair. “At least, that’s what you’re afraid of, isn’t it?”

“Oh, I see,” Your voice came out strong and even, a stark contrast to how you felt. “This _is_ all about you. What were you doing to those kids, Richards?”

“It’s not easy to spot someone with dyslexia, not without tests,” He continued, ignoring you. “But sometimes we just give ourselves away.”

“I can tell you what you didn’t do,” You ignored him right back. “You didn’t treat them like your daddy treated you. You were only interested in their brains, why? What were you doing?” Chewing on your bottom lip, you narrowed your eyes, the answers seemed so close, what were you missing?

“Tell me, are you afraid the others will find out how stupid you really are? Do they know you have to work twice as hard to keep up with them?” It was getting harder to block out his words, but as they grew closer to home, so did your theory. “What about the lanky one? I saw the way he watched you struggling to read fast enough, I bet he’s tired of going slow for you. He’s probably sick of picking up your slack.” And there it was, the bulk of your insecurities laid out on the table for everyone to see. The back of your neck burned knowing your team was behind you on the other side of the glass, hearing everything. “That’s it, isn’t it,” He must have seen the way you swallowed at his implications. “You’re afraid of what he thinks of you, afraid you’ll never be enough.”

“And you’re afraid of letting your father down for the last time,” You were done playing games, and as you lean forward you could see him beginning to sweat. “That’s what the malpractice was about, wasn’t it, you were trying to fix your disorder once and for all? But they stopped you before you even began.” The accusations came flooding out of you, and for a second you thought they were too much of a stretch to be true, but the look on his face spurred you on. “You almost gave up, but when your father passed, you realized you owed it to him. That’s why you took those kids, you were trying to rewire their brains, weren’t you?” His cocky demeanor was beginning to slip as he began fidgeting with his hands. “But that didn’t work, did it?” You asked, standing up. “I guess you’re not so smart after all.”

With that you calmly left the room, only to begin sprinting down the hall once you knew he could no longer see you. For a moment you thought you could hear Spencer calling out your name, but you were far too focused on slipping into the bathroom to process it, thankful to find it empty. It was only after a minute you knew for sure he had as he barged through the door, startling you.

“Are you alright?” His voice was full of concern as he made his way to you, hunched over the sink.

“Spence, this is the women’s bathroom,” You laughed lightly, trying to hide the embarrassment you felt, but you knew it was in vain as your eyes stayed trained to the water dripping from the faucet.

“I know, but you-” There was a pause and you were about to look up when you felt his hand on your shoulder. “Y/n…”

“He’s right, isn’t he?” You shrugged him off as you moved to grab a paper towel to wipe away a few stray tears. “I slow you down. I slow everyone down, the whole team. Even now, I’m hiding in the bathroom instead of doing my damn job.”

“What?” He asked as if he never expected you to take Richards' words to heart. This time you did look up, catching his eyes in the reflection of the mirror.

“It’s true,” You stated, causing him to shake his head.

“No, it isn’t.”

“Look, Spence, you don’t have to lie.” You huffed, dropping his gaze as you turned around to lean against the sink, eyes cast to the floor. “I know you’d be better off without me in the BAU.”

“Is this about you being dyslexic?” You laughed at his surprise, which he took as a yes. “I had no idea you felt this way. I’ve always found dyslexia to be really fascinating. For instance, it is not a sign of low intelligence, and it’s not the result of neurological damage, but the product of neurological development.”

“I know all that already.”

“Good, then you should know that some of the most intelligent minds of our time have been known to have dyslexia, such as Albert Einstein and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. And to add to that, people with dyslexia are usually more creative and have a higher level of intelligence. Not to mention, it’s a learning disability,” His speaking slowed as if he was trying to make a point. “Not some disease you can cure.”

“Why are you saying all of this?” You asked as you tried to even your breathing, but it was proving to be near impossible as you watched him step closer to you.

“I’ve always been honest with you,” Spencer said softly, his hands moved to cup your face, forcing your eyes to find his once again. “And I won’t let what Richards said get into your head, you are not leaving the BAU, we need you.” He paused again, licking his lips as he thought over what he was about to say. “I need you. You don’t slow me down, you make me see things from a different perspective. You are valuable to this team, and to me.” Spencer’s affirming words felt warm as they seeped into you, but your head still shook away his praise.

“Spence-”

“Don’t you trust me to tell you the truth?” He sighed. “You know, you’re not alone, I feel inadequate too sometimes,” Spencer admitted, smiling when you gave him a quizzical look. “Just moments ago, in fact, when you pieced together his motive. I would have never thought of that,”

“That’s not true,” You laughed, and he couldn’t help but laugh along with you.

“Ok, maybe eventually, but you beat me to it because you’re smart and good at your job. It’s what makes us work so well together. You see the things that I don’t.” He stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world to him.

And suddenly you were aware of how close he was, his face just inches away from yours. For a second you thought you had imagined it when you saw his gaze drop to your mouth, but as you raised your hands to hold his which were still cupping your face, you could feel his pulse racing. Swallowing, you felt like you were going to get motion sickness from all the emotions you’d gone through in the past thirty minutes. An abrupt knock at the door cut the tension that was building, causing the two of you to step back from one another, it still wasn’t the time.

“Hey, y/n?” JJ opened the door. “Are you ok?” She asked with a soft smile as she looked back and forth at the two of you, trying her best not to point out your matching blushes.

“Yeah, I’m feeling much better,” You said, scratching the back of your neck as you made your way towards her and out of the bathroom, Spencer following suit. Before you could say anything else, Morgan came into view.

“We’ve got a location.”

~

At first, it was like you were re-living one of your nightmares, gun in hand as you made your way through an isolated wing of an abandoned hospital. The team and local law enforcement split up to cover more ground, and though you were beginning to shake from the feeling of deja vu, you decided to take the basement. However, once you began your search, it grew easier to breathe, this wasn’t at all like your nightmares, instead of finding her in a bloody heap on the floor, you found the morgue.

It was seemingly empty, but as you looked around that’s when you heard the banging coming from one of the lockers. Holding your gun steady in one hand, you reached for the latch with your other, slowly opening it to reveal Georgia Ramirez, tattered but alive, so very alive.

“I’ve got her, in the basement.” You spoke into your earpiece as you pulled her out. “Georgia? Hi, I’m agent y/n.” Gently, you began unbinding her, taking the gag out of her mouth. “You’re going to be ok,” You tried to sound reassuring as people began making their way into the room, stepping back so the EMTs could do their job.

Walking past the bustle of people, you made your way back outside, needing to feel the cool night breeze against your face. You made it all the way to the car, leaning back against it with a sigh before you were interrupted by a call.

“Hey, Pen.” You smiled.

“Hey yourself, Morgan updated me on everything.” She sounded more energetic than usual, and you wondered how Morgan was able to relay information to her so quickly. “Is it true that you and Reid made-out in the bathroom after you went all badass on the unsub?”

“What?!” The half shriek half-laugh that left your throat was anything but subtle. “No! We did not, where the hell did you hear that?”

“Huh, my sources must be mistaken, because you’d tell me if anything happened…right?” Just then you spotted Reid making his way over to you, the whole team not far behind. “Y/n, you’d tell me, right?”

“I have to go, babe. I’ll let you know.” You replied before hanging up, too exhausted to fuel her fantasies tonight. But you smiled down at your phone when it buzzed.

**_You better! <3 - Penelope Garcia_ **

~

You were looking forward to getting on the plane, heading home, and falling asleep for as many uninterrupted hours as possible. But it seemed the weather had other plans as it began to downpour, the rain seemingly in yielding as thunder began to roll in. The team was able to make it back to the hotel before it got too bad, but not before you got soaked.

“It doesn’t look like we’ll be heading home tonight,” Hotch said looking at his phone. “They predict the storm won’t pass until noon tomorrow, so I suggest that everyone get some well-deserved rest.” His gaze fell on you and Spencer before turning towards the elevators.

The team said their goodnights before parting ways, and suddenly you were alone with Spencer. The AC made your drenched clothes feel like ice clinging to your body and you felt like you’d never be able to get warm. But as you walked past Spencer to get to your bag, his hand reached out for yours, stopping you.

“Do-do you really feel like you’re not enough?” His voice cracked a little. “You’re not worried about what I think of you, right?” You closed your eyes before looking up at him, turning to face him as you shivered, your lips pressed into a line as if to stop you from speaking. It didn’t work.

“I worry about it all the time,” You admitted, biting the inside of your cheek. “How could I ever be enough. You’re the resident genius, an-and I’m…nothing.” A look of extreme bewilderment took over Spencer’s features.

“I have to say, rarely have I ever heard anything more absurd come from you. I think this takes the cake, actually.”

“Seriously, Spence-” Before you could argue your point, he took a step towards you. Giving you plenty of time to pull back or push him away, he leaned down and suddenly you knew what his lips felt like against yours. Soft and full. But just as quickly as he came, he went, pulling away with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know why I did that, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. If-” Grabbing his still soaking wet shirt, you tugged him back towards you, kissing him with more confidence then before. He tasted like coffee and mint, swirling together as your mind began to swim. His arms wrapped around your waist and you could feel his warmth spread through you, melting away your worries.

“I’ve never doubted you,” Spencer spoke again as he rested his forehead against yours, his thumb stroking your cheek as he looked down at you with admiration. “And I’ve never seen you as anything less than my equal.” He stated, giving you another kiss before looking down at the soaked clothes the two of you were still wearing. “We should change and warm up before we both catch a cold.” He pointed out, his arms still wrapped around you as your arms hung loosely around his neck.

“I can think of a way we could do that.” You teased, causing him to blush. “See it’s already working.” You squealed as he squeezed your sides in retaliation.

What happened after that? Well, not even you would tell Garcia. Some things are better kept a secret, at least for now. It wouldn’t take the team long to figure the two of you out, in fact, they probably already have. But here in the hotel room, it was finally the right time and you had a feeling that your sleepless nights would be due to something much more pleasant then nightmares.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, likes and comments are loved and appreciated. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @  
> tv-saved-the-teenage-girl.tumblr.com


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